Hello!

It's been a while since I have written and so much has happened. To say things have calmed down in this season of life is just not true. Since last time I wrote Oliver's Cystic Fibrosis test was negative, Praise the Lord!!! His last injections in his ankles worked for just over a month and then the swelling was back. We were really bummed. We met with Dr. Moore in October and after a huge heart battle and the most prayer we've prayed in awhile, Danny and I felt lead to start Oliver on Methotrexate. If you Google it (DONT DO IT) a lot of scary stuff comes up about chemo. Yes, it is a drug used for people with different types of cancer where it kills the immune system. But Oliver is receiving 100 times less of a dose than a kid his size with cancer. It is used to quiet and calm his immune system since the other, less invasive stuff didn't work. Because his immune system is out of control and attaching his joints  something stronger was needed to calm it down. We do it as an injection every Friday and he gets Folic Acid everyday because the MTX (Methotrexate) depletes the body of it. It can take 8-12 weeks to start working and Oliver started having a lot of pain and more swelling at week 5 so he was also started on Steroids for 4 weeks to bridge the gap. He actually is done (as of 3 days ago) with the steroids so we are praying the pain doesn't come right back. He's been super fussy and getting sick a lot due to the immune suppressant part of the  MTX. He's also been potty training and doing really well! All the while all that is going on we have an appointment set up for him in mid January to see Liam's Endocrinologist to check for Growth Hormone Deficiency since he has completely stopped growing. He still weighs 20 pounds at over 2.5 years old. His pediatrician also did some genetic and metabolic testing two weeks ago and we are waiting for those results, hopefully next week. 

Crazy huh?! Exhausting! The one thing that helps is that he has been pretty happy through most of it. The hardest part is when we got to any place that resembles a doctor's office, he gets very very upset. I don't blame him. He has to have blood work done every 3 months while on the MTX which really just sucks. This disease sucks. It's hard watching our two year old deal with all this. We struggle deeply sometimes feeling alone, feeling completely done and exhausted. Balancing Oliver's normal and medical needs and our sweet almost 5 year olds needs is stretching and trying. I was talking to a friend recently who is going through her own medical battles with her babies and she said it beautifully, "I understand what it feels like to be in survival mode and I get that people see the big picture but don't see the little things day to day: the on the go messy lifestyle  the inward battles, the mountain of bills we'd like to disappear on the table, the tears cried in the privacy of home and in the hospital, the many phone calls we have to make to pharmacy, social workers, insurance or doctors and the many phone calls we get from them. I feel behind and sometimes I just let the phone ring and call back later just so I get a break from the medical." She totally gets it. And the love we receive is truly one of the things that keep us going. We truly appreciate everyone that loves on us and prays and says hi and just loves. 

God is making us, molding us, squishing us (but seriously lol) into people who trust Him most. I'm slowly.... very slowly "getting it". He is the God of every moment, every cells, every poke, every tear, every joy, every precious smile and giggle. He is the God of life. I can't tell you how deeply I love Him. I truly wouldn't change this, as much and as deeply as it hurts, God uses the pain and suffering EVERY day. It's incredible! I wake up and immediately pray that He would get me through the next hour with joy while getting breakfast ready and feeding my sweet fussy toddler. And guess what?! He does! He has used these trials in my marriage to make it more than I ever thought possible. The love I have for Danny now surpasses emotional or physical love, it is an eternal truth that God has knotted together. I'm so thankful. Thank you all for praying, and we would love if you would continue to pray.